Coping With Racism When Your Partner’s Family Won’t Accept You
You and your partner have been dating for a while now. You’re in a happy and healthy relationship, and you’re actually looking forward to the future. Or so you thought. It’s time to meet their family. Your partner mentioned that their family has struggled in the past with some of their previous partners.
The car turns onto their street, and before you know it, you’re in front of their house, getting out of the car, and heading up to their front door. You ring the doorbell and wait for them to open the front door. You’re expecting smiles, handshakes, and hugs. Unfortunately, you’re met with resistance instead. They look you up and down. They seem cold, hesitant, and distant. You haven’t even had a chance to mutter a word.
Here’s how to cope with racism when your partner’s family doesn’t accept you.
Talk to Your Partner
If you feel like you’re not being treated fairly based on the color of your skin by your partner’s family, talk to your partner about it. Bring up specific scenarios and how they made you feel. Your partner may be able to provide insight, background, or history on any situations that happened when they brought any previous partners home.
Your partner should also make an effort to talk to their family members that may be treating you unfairly. If you and your partner want the relationship to work and you both plan on seeing their family again together in the future, you need to make sure you feel safe and comfortable moving forward.
Be Direct
Racism is never okay. Respect should be earned. If you feel like your partner’s family is disrespecting you or making racial remarks, tell them how you feel. Even though they’re not being respectful or kind, try your best to keep your cool under pressure.
Don’t allow words to be said if you’re feeling uncomfortable. If someone says something you don’t like, let them know that you don’t appreciate those types of remarks being said around you. If you don’t want to call one of the members of the family out in front of everyone, pull them aside and let them know how you feel in private.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are a great way to make sure your wants and needs are being met and respected. Boundaries aren’t just for unhealthy or negative relationships. They’re what makes healthy relationships work more effectively.
Your boundaries could include not going to your partner’s family home if they aren’t willing to show you respect. If you’re already at their home and they make you uncomfortable, you can choose to leave and remove yourself from the situation.
Seek Additional Support
Despite how you may be feeling, you’re not alone. Lean on your support system during this time. Your family, friends, and maybe even some of your coworkers can be there to listen to you and may even be able to speak to their own personal experiences. Talk to them about how you’re feeling and if you want advice on how you should move forward, ask for it.
If you don’t feel comfortable leaning on your loved ones during this time, try reaching out to an unbiased third party for support. A therapist can be a great person to lean on during challenging times. They can help work with you to help you figure out any places or people that may be especially triggering for you.
A therapist will also be able to help recommend different coping techniques or additional boundaries to set that you may not have considered. Reach out today to set up a consultation for anxiety therapy to deal with this stress.
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