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Dating While Asexual: How to Discuss Orientation With Your Partner

Dating While Asexual: How to Discuss Orientation With Your Partner
Dating While Asexual: How to Discuss Orientation With Your Partner

Dating While Asexual: How to Discuss Orientation With Your Partner

Dating, in general, comes with loads of challenges regardless of sexual orientation. Individuals who identify as asexual are no exception. While the definition of asexuality can be different for everyone, the broad term means that asexual people, or “aces,”  experience little to no sexual attraction to others. This does not mean, however, that aces do not want a romantic partner. In fact, many often look for a more romantic, emotional, or spiritual connection with others.


What Is Asexuality?

Similar to homosexuality, bisexuality, and heterosexuality, it is a sexual orientation and a spectrum. Every asexual individual is different, meaning that their experience with sexual and romantic attraction is not the same as other aces.

Some asexual people have no interest in the act of sex, while for others, it may depend on the person they are dating. Just because their interest in sex differs does not mean they don’t crave intimacy. Their emotional needs are the same as everyone else, and they desire connection.


Dating While Asexual

Aces go through struggles when finding a romantic partner. It can be challenging to communicate orientation to someone you just started dating, especially if this person desires sex in order to feel emotionally connected. Due to complications, asexual people find themselves leaning more into platonic relationships, which enhances an emotional connection but not so much a romantic one.

No matter where you fall on the spectrum of asexuality, it is possible to have a satisfying and meaningful dating life. All you need is effective communication.


Telling Your Partner That You Are Asexual

There is not a right or wrong time to have this conversation with your partner. It comes down to your overall comfort and confidence about your sexual orientation. Some people choose to disclose as soon as possible just in case their partner is not supportive or accepting of who they are. Better to deal with it at the beginning of the relationship rather than a few months in.

Others may wait until marriage to disclose they’re asexual. Either way, there are pros and cons to each option. So, when you do decide to tell you partner, how do you do it?

  1. Education: You may find yourself needing to educate your partner about what asexuality means to you. Do not assume they know all the information about the orientation, especially as it pertains to you. It may be beneficial to explain the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, which could help your partner not take it personally.

  2. Answering Questions: Your partner may have lots of questions about asexuality. Be open and willing to discuss their curiosities. While it can be frustrating to feel interrogated, them questioning you means they are taking an interest in your sexuality! Some questions may be annoying, and even offensive at times. Politely inform your partner how their questions are making you feel, and redirect the conversation if you are becoming overwhelmed.

  3. Be Prepared: As much as we want to believe that our partners will be loving and accepting, this may not always be the case. Their reaction is going to be exactly that — a reaction. We cannot control it, nor can we control how they feel. Do not allow their opinions affect your view of yourself. It is possible that your sexuality is a deal-breaker for them, but remember, we do not choose our sexuality. It is a part of who we are, and while you may feel hurt or upset, you want to find someone who is accepting of you.  


Next Steps

If you are struggling with your sexual identity or communicating your orientation to your partner, seek help from a mental health professional. Therapy can guide you on how to navigate the difficulties of dating and sharing about your sexuality. Reach out and schedule your first session today for LGBTQ counseling.



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