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Is Talking About Sex Required In Couples Therapy?

Is Talking About Sex Required In Couples Therapy?
Is Talking About Sex Required In Couples Therapy?

Is Talking About Sex Required In Couples Therapy?

The possibility of going to couples therapy has been up in the air for a while. You may have discussed it with your partner or have family or friends who have recommended it. Either way, you may only have a few holdups on it. One of them is the topic of conversation that may come up during couples therapy, specifically sex talk.


Talking about sex may not be your cup of tea. It may not be something you’re even comfortable talking about with loved ones or friends. How are you supposed to talk about it with a complete stranger?


Is talking about sex required in couples therapy? Let’s find out!


Do You Have to Talk About Sex in Couples Therapy?

Let’s cut to the chase. No, you do not have to talk about sex in couples therapy. But the answer isn’t really that cut and dry or black and white, either. While you don’t have to talk about sex during couples therapy, sex is a big part of a relationship. Talking about your sex life with a therapist during couples therapy can be highly beneficial for both you and your partner. Let’s learn more about how you can ease your way into talking about sex during couples therapy if you’re not that comfortable thinking about that topic of conversation.

Be Patient With Each Other

Communication is key in any type of relationship. Just like other areas of your life, your sex life can’t improve unless you discuss it. Therapy is for you and your partner only, not for your therapist. A therapist is there as an outside third party to help provide a different perspective and a safe and open space for any topic of conversation. They’re not there to judge you in any way.

If either of you don’t feel comfortable talking about sex during therapy, be patient with each other. Start slow. You can talk about how you feel about one another and talk about more specific things, including one another’s likes and dislikes. Be patient, and over time, you will each feel more comfortable bringing up different topics of conversation in front of your therapist.

Be Kind To One Another

The point of couples therapy isn’t to argue or to place blame. You and your partner aren’t there to determine who wins and who loses. The point of couples therapy is to come to a mutual resolution together. Something that benefits both parties equally.

One person shouldn’t feel like they won while the other person lost. This is why it’s extremely important to continue to be kind to one another. Think before you speak and don’t play the blame game. You don’t want to say things that you don’t actually mean that will do more harm than good.

Hear One Another Out

You and your partner are two completely different people. You’ve chosen to come together as one despite your differences. It makes complete sense that you each have interests, hobbies wants, needs, turnons, and turnoffs. What makes you happy might not align with what makes your partner happy. You won’t always be on the same page when you want to have sex either. If your partner is too busy or too tired, it doesn’t mean that they don’t want you or don’t like you anymore.

Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see things from their perspective. Just like being kind to one another and paying attention to the language and tone of voice, it’s also important to not get defensive with one another.

Next Steps

So while you absolutely don’t have to talk about sex during couples therapy, it can be an essential topic of conversation. You don’t have to immediately talk about sex during your first therapy session. You and your partner can ease your way into any topic of conversation when you feel comfortable. We’re here when you’re ready. Reach out today to set up a consultation for couples therapy.



Through Therapy Collective

Our team of culturally competent therapists is here to offer a warm and safe space to help you navigate life’s hardships with a sense of encouragement and empathy. Find out more >

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