Is Your Ex Engaging in Parental Alienation? – 6 Warning Signs

When a couple gets divorced, it can feel like they’re trying to navigate a complicated maze.

If they have kids, well… that maze is more like a minefield. You want to do the best you can for the children in such a daunting scenario. You may assume your ex feels the same way. Unfortunately, this is not always the truth—case in point: parental alienation.

This term is used to describe a situation when one divorced parent attempts to turn the children against the other divorced parent. It takes many forms and is accurately called a form of child abuse. 

What We’re NOT Talking About 

There are, unfortunately, many instances that warrant a divorced parent being distanced or separated from their children. These may include:

• Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse 

• Domestic violence

• Substance abuse

• Severe neglect

Cases along these lines do not fall under the umbrella of parental alienation.

6 Warning Signs of Parental Alienation

1. Denigrating the Other Parent

This is the most obvious sign. Your ex is openly criticizing you to your children (and anyone else who will listen). It might be as obvious as blaming them for the divorce, but as time passes, this trend can escalate into:

• Dragging the ex’s family into it

• Making false accusations (neglect, abuse, personal issues, etc.)

• Convincing the kids that the other parent does not love them

• Threatening the kids with the withholding of affection if they don’t take their side

2. Restricting Access

One parent may go to extremes to limit how much time the children get to spend with the other parent. This sign may involve:

• Intercepting and not passing along messages from the other parent

• Defying court orders

• Moving the child away and perhaps not even disclosing the location to the ex

3. Inappropriate Sharing

Children of any age should not be told about personal issues between their parents or details about court cases. With parental alienation, it could become the norm. Any information that can be weaponized is used as an additional distancing tactic.

4. Children Join in With the Criticism

If parental alienation is happening, it will impact the children’s behavior. In some instances, they will join in the denigration. Everything from name-calling to false accusations is possible—including spreading the lies to the targeted parent’s family. All along, such children will insist that they are not being influenced to do anything of this. 

5. Black and White Thinking 

Children, especially younger children, can be led into the trap of all-or-nothing. One parent is completely perfect. The other is always terrible. Again, the kids will swear up and down that no one is influencing these extreme views.

6. Lack of Guilt

This could be the hardest to endure. Children impacted by parental alienation often display no guilt at all about the cruelty they aim at the targeted parent. They never apologize. In fact, kids placed in this horrific situation may start being mean to the alienated parent’s family and friends. 

Getting Help For the Victims

When we say “victims,” we are referring to both the targeted parents and, of course, the children. They did not ask to be used as pawns in a cruel game, and thus, they will need professional support. So will you. Getting this process started usually begins with you, the alienated parent, in individual therapy. You will need a safe space to work out these developments and the emotions they provoke.

In addition, your children must be granted a neutral location to begin understanding what is going on. If parental alienation has reared its ugly head in your life, please reach out today for the help you deserve. 

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