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What To Do If You Share Different Desires in Bed

What To Do If You Share Different Desires in Bed
What To Do If You Share Different Desires in Bed

What To Do If You Share Different Desires in Bed

It’s okay for partners to have different interests, hobbies, and habits. It’s even okay to have different needs and wants. As long as you’re actively communicating with each other, you can work through those differences effectively and find ways to make your relationship stronger. 


But, it’s not always easy to discuss your desires, no matter how long you’ve been together. There can sometimes be a “taboo” nature around discussing what happens in the bedroom. But, if you and your partner have different intimate desires and don’t discuss them, it could end up causing problems. 


Obviously, your sex life isn’t the most important part of your relationship — but it is an important part. Wanting different things in the bedroom can make you feel like you’re unevenly matched or that one of you is always going to go unsatisfied. 


That doesn’t have to be the case. Let’s dig a little deeper into what you can do if you share different desires in bed. 


What Causes Different Desires?

There are a variety of factors that can contribute to mismatched desires in bed. Often, it starts with different sex drives. You might have a higher or lower libido than your partner. If they want sex more frequently, it might make you feel uncomfortable or pressured. If you’re the one with a high sex drive, you don’t want to push those feelings on your partner. 


Unfortunately, different sex drives can create discontentment and even some awkward tension when the issue isn’t addressed. 


Other possible culprits include stress, relationship dynamics, and even physical health. No matter how close you are with your partner, you’ll never know exactly what’s going on in their mind or how they’re feeling until you choose to prioritize communication. 


Start Talking About Sex

Speaking of communication, it’s the first step in figuring out what to do about your different desires in bed. Even if you’re uncomfortable talking about sex, you’ll have to push through the initial awkwardness. 


Tell your partner how you feel and be open to hearing about how they feel. Maybe your desires aren’t that different, but you’ve held them back from each other. You might find that the more you start to open up about your physical needs and wants, the easier it is to discuss them in detail. Some couples even use that kind of talk to boost intimacy. 


Create a Safe Environment

If you do open up and start communicating about your desires, it’s essential for both of you to ensure it’s a safe and open environment. The last thing anyone needs is to feel judged or ashamed by the things they want or don’t want. When you create that kind of environment, you’re both more likely to discuss areas of concern, but you’re also going to feel more comfortable setting healthy boundaries that will benefit both of you. 


Explore New Activities

As you discuss your sexual desires, consider expanding your horizons to new, different activities you both would be willing to try in bed. You might have some shared desires you haven’t tried yet, so don’t be afraid to experiment until you find something you both enjoy. Compromise isn’t about giving up your wants completely, it’s about finding ways to make sure you both are getting what you need. 


Consider Couples Counseling

If you think that your different desires in the bedroom are the result of relationship issues or something bigger going on, couples counseling can be the best solution. Counseling offers a neutral setting for you and your partner to open up. 


You’ll learn more about each other, yourselves, and any underlying issues your relationship might be facing that have been ignored for too long. You might even find that it brings you closer together emotionally, as well as physically. Reach out to us today if you’re ready to begin couples counseling.



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