Feel the Need to “Fix” Everything? Here’s What It Means
Do you have a “fixer mentality”? Maybe you feel like you need to tackle everyone else’s problems. Or, perhaps, you tend to get into relationships where you take on the task of fixing your partner’s faults. This kind of mindset is referred to as many different things. Some people consider it a savior mentality. Others believe fixers are highly sensitive people who can’t stand to see anything hurt or lacking in any way.
But, if you feel the need to “fix” everything, what does it really mean? Is it okay and healthy? Most importantly, what should you do about it?
The Effects of Past Trauma
Often, people who want to fix everything do so without giving it much thought or effort. It’s an automatic reaction, largely due to past trauma still impacting their thoughts and feelings.
While not always, it’s common for fixers to be victims of trauma. They carry around dissatisfaction in their minds. Even though they might seem happy and healthy on the surface, they are often very sad, frustrated, and even scared. Helping others fix their problems or simply trying to make the world a happier place is a way of coping.
Unfortunately, it’s not a sustainable or healthy way. It doesn’t allow that person to dig deeper into their own past hurts. When you don’t work through your trauma, you will continue to carry it around, and it will continue to remain repressed.
Serving as a Savior
We all want people to think we’re great. When you do something beneficial for someone else, it genuinely feels good to receive recognition and praise. But, some people take that too far and develop a sort of “white knight” complex. They want to rescue everyone and repair all of their problems. They want everyone to look up to them and see them as a resource for help and safety.
It’s never a bad thing to help out loved ones. But, if you’re doing it to appear as some sort of savior or just to have people look up to you, it could be a sign of something deeper going on. People with white knight characteristics often have a fear of abandonment. They’re also highly sensitive and need reassurance of their value and worth.
They also tend to help those perceived as “weak” because they’re extremely self-critical. Helping people they devalue can give them a feeling of importance and strength.
The Problem With the Fixer Mentality
Are you noticing a pattern here? There’s a big difference between wanting to help people when they’re in need and going out of your way to fix problems that might not really even be there. Often, people who feel the need to fix everything are really trying to fill some kind of void in their own lives. They’re either ignoring past trauma or trying to fix the problems other people are facing so they don’t have to focus on their own insecurities.
Unfortunately, fixing everything for others is a temporary solution — even if you’ve been doing it for years. It’s a coping mechanism that will eventually catch up with you.
It’s not an easy thing to admit, but recognizing the signs of a fixer or savior mentality is important. If any of these issues sound familiar, consider reaching out for help. You don’t need to be everyone else’s white knight. It’s time to treat yourself with compassion and kindness, and work on fixing the things in your own life.
If you’re interested in taking that first step, don’t hesitate to contact us for information or to set up an appointment. By working through trauma or past negative experiences, you can start to get the support you deserve.
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